Ask your way to approvals
THE WORLD responds only to those who dare to ask, to question and to speak out. While you may not always get what you ask for, remember you are never going to get what you don't ask for... unless it happens to be something contagious! As Mark Victor Hansen (co-author of the Chicken Soup For The Soul series of books) puts it, `When you begin to ask for what you need and want, you've taken control of your life, and are proactively steering its direction.'
There are tricks to getting what you want. You could manoeuvre, manipulate, stage-manage, compel, intimidate and employ duress, coercion and under-hand tactics to get what you want. Or you could simply ask right!
Here are a few tips to ask right and get what you want, whenever possible.
Just ask
Remember, it is okay to ask. Understand that you have the right to ask for anything you need or want. Ask only what you really want or need though; an honest and sincere request is always given due respect.
Ask with confidence
Your approach is of primary importance. Ask in a positive frame of mind and speech. Act as if you expect to get what you ask for. Use humour and creativity as you would use a rubber sword - to make a point, without drawing blood. Ask from the heart; put passion and soul into your request. Ask confidently, and maintain eye contact. This further establishes your integrity and earnestness. It is tougher to shake off a confident request than one that is made with trepidation and hopelessness.
Do homework
Ensure that you are asking the right person. Before you ask someone for something, make an assessment of whether or not they will be able to give it to you. Is the person in a position to help you? Will he or she be willing to give you what you want? It is possible that the person you intend asking may not have authority to help you; or he could be unsympathetic and not emotionally motivated to help you. In such cases, you could well be wasting your time.
Get attention
Ensure that the other person comprehends what exactly you are asking for. If the person cannot give you his or her full attention, set up an appointment or comeback later when the person is less busy.
Be clear
Be as concise as you possibly can in your requests. Ask for what you want, not for what you don't want. At the same time, be careful what you ask for - more often than not, you get exactly what you've requested!
Prepare for both "yes" and "no"
Just as you have the right to ask what you want, the person you ask has the right to answer with a `yes' or a `no'. Prepare yourself for either eventuality. If you get a "no" to your request, be gracious. An ungracious, or an angry response will only imply that you were making a demand not a request. Demands are never well responded to and are always resisted. Be gracious, and you will probably get a "yes" in the future.
Get ready to make sacrifices
Many a time, you may have to settle for barter deals. Be prepared to give something, if you want to get something. When you ask, always be sure to explain how the other person benefits and wins because he or she has reacted positively to your request. Be prepared to help others too, when they come around asking for help. Remember, what goes around, comes around.
Be persistent
You may have to overcome a number of `No's before you finally get a `Yes'. If you have to ask more than once, you probably need to adopt an alternative strategy. Try working out things from different perspectives. Assume the person or people who you are asking for something have your best interests in mind. Assume that they have not clearly understood the reasons for your request. Assume that if your reasons were known, your request would have been granted. Make your reasons known, gently. Ask the other person(s) to help you with a solution. They may know someone who could help you. Your tenaciousness and perseverance will pay off.
What if the answer is still `No'?
Accept it with grace. If someone says "no" in spite of all your efforts, you can't anyhow make him or her do or give you what you want. You could, however, damage or destroy your future chances of getting what you want by constant niggling or an ungracious reaction.
Great things are possible only with outrageous requests - so never hesitate to ask. And, as they say, the key to getting everything you want is to never put all your begs in one ask-it!
BINDU SRIDHAR
faqs@cnkonline.com
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