Agonising Ecstasy
CLOUD nine is a wonderful place one up from seventh heaven in its ecstatic delights, say those lucky souls who've been there, done that. You know, those smart, savvy people who seem to enjoy life king-size - groovy salary, a magnificent house, an ostentatious gas-guzzler with several hundred horses under the hood ... the works. And you sit in your little dingy apartment and harass those grey cells how on earth it could be possible, when it suddenly strikes you! `Utopia must be just a job-hop and better perks away!' So, you dust off your résumé, polish your shoes and iron your best shirt. And you're ready to take on the world, and the tight-fisted boss that doles out peanuts-in place of a salary. You practice your farewell speech and how you will smirk in self-satisfaction when your colleagues enviously bid you goodbye. But wait; check the celebrating. And don't shoot the messenger, but I come bearing news that won't really lend itself to much celebration because, horror of horrors, the fantastic new salary you've been offered may not quite be what it appears.
Take the case of Sharada, the eternal-optimist, and the whiz kid who felt she was worth her weight in gold. Well, she spent every spare moment looking around for a better deal as she always believed that every job hop would leave her (at the very least) 25% richer. Now what was it, do you think, made her do this? If life went the way she wanted, she should have been sitting on stacks of currency. But no; all because she didn't read the fine print - for her glorified salary structure only looked rosy on paper, with wagons load of `ifs' thrown in. Naturally she, in her state of new-job-huge-salary-on-paper-euphoria, completely glossed over. Now, Sharada is not alone in this. Most job seekers do get carried away by the big, beautiful figure at the bottom of the page, and ignore the means it was arrived at.
Sample salary structures.
As an IT pro, earning a `stupendous salary' you can't simply count your chickens. Because soon, there comes along a scourge that destroys the eggs long before they hatch in the shape of the sad looking pay cheque! The pay slip will reveal so many variable components integrated into the glossy-hyped-salary-slip that it makes no sense to anyone at all, especially - you. Moreover, since some parts of the variable salary components are paid monthly, some quarterly and the rest of it half-yearly, the net result is that, nobody has any idea what the next month's salary will bring - a packet of rancid peanuts or box of Belgian chocolates! Besides, your `gross' worth is absolutely unrelated to your `net', as however gigantic, padded and fancy your `gross' sounds, your `net' is not likely to happen, given the uncertainties of organisational performance.
Why W-Y-S-I-W-Y-G won't work.
In any large organisation, the higher the payout, the more confusing the salary structure. The variable components are linked to the performance of the individual, the company in general and the department or team in particular! So, essentially, to `take-home' a large part of what the `papers' say you are entitled to, `you', `them' and `it' have to do well.
`You' and your apocalyptic appraisals
If you have goofed just before the d-day, you can kiss goodbye to that cruise with your loved one. Not only are your chances of promotion thwarted, your salary could potentially stagnate for a year.
`Them'.
Suddenly the performance of everyone right from the night watchman to the CEO has a direct bearing on your dreams. For if anyone, anyone at all, has failed, you can be sure that the CEO tells the Board all. Mainly that the company could not meet the profit-targets since the third under-gardener was down with dengue for three months.
`It'.
Now, `it' is pretty confounding, you can only pray hard that everyone in the team has put in their best effort, and that every customer is satisfied. It's a bit hard on everyone in the team, especially before those reviews, when `team-spirit' moves onto a different plane.
When their every action is closely scrutinised by suspicious co-workers who stand to lose big bucks for every glitch, bug or blunder. Talk about `team-building' - it's more like rending them asunder!
Now you know why they say you have to pour a few drops of castor oil in your eyes every morning? Besides making them sparkle, they also make your vision better - to read the fine print, bottom lines and figures typed seductively in Times New Roman, font size 6. Remember, it is better to be safe than sorry - so go over the contract with a fine-toothed comb, and try and re-negotiate before you sign on the dotted line!
APARNA KATHRIKAYAN
aa@cnkonline.com
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