Intimidated?
SOME PEOPLE intimidate you the moment you look at them. And I'm not talking of a 6 feet 7 inches giant of a man with a foot long moustache and brass rings on 9 fingers. Actually, I was thinking more of that pleasant looking man in a 3-piece suit and a ready smile. Why does he still intimidate you? A smooth talker, he still manages to ruffle those well-settled feathers of yours. What are the intimidating qualities of these people and how do you overcome them?
"I'm busy": This is probably the most common technique of intimidating others. Such people make everyone feel that they are really very busy and just do not have the time for anything at all, least of all you! And of course who will deny that it is easy to be intimidated by someone who is busy 24/7 throughout the year? They use techniques like rushing through the conversation when they talk to anyone, continue working on their computer when you talk, use the speaker phone for all conversations and pretend to have a zillion other things to do.
So the next time you speak to somebody who seems to be forever busy and more importantly, is not the CEO of your company just ask for a couple of minutes of their time emphasizing that you too have other appointments.
Personal space: We all have a personal space around us; a radius that we don't want others to encroach. The intimidator encroaches this personal space intentionally. The radius inside which we allow others is based on our relationship with that person and also our cultural upbringing.
The simplest way out when an intimidator encroaches our space is to back off and avoid expressing any strong reactions. Often others don't perceive this encroachment as strongly as you may, so an outburst might be considered an over-reaction. Hold your emotions back.
Privacy invasion: What do you do with an intimidator who stands behind your back and peers into everything from your screen to your notepad? It infuriates you, does it not? But then, can you object? Not really, because then it will look like you have something to hide, which is actually not the case. It's just that you have a feeling of your privacy being invaded.
What do you do? Keep your calm, or maybe just flip some pages around. It is normal and at the same time it gives you an advantage of all your notes not being read.
You are ... sorry? Some intimidators either repeatedly mispronounce names or simply forget them. A variant of the "I'm busy" tactic. There's actually no point in correcting people who do this often. This is just another way of intimidating others. It is just another way of feeling self-important.
This is another situation where you need to keep your calm, and stay composed.
Always remember that the intimidator wants you to lose your composure. Not doing it will be the best way to get back at him/her. Intimidators hope and aspire to get an emotionally charged reaction. When you recognise this streak in anybody, the best thing to do is stay and act calm because this is what the intimidator surely does not want you to do!
Try to get your emotions under control and after that, see if you can come up with a witty and smart comment. This can be difficult with an intimidator around, but if you do, then it is a lot of fun to see your intimidator being intimidated!
HAZIRA SHAHEEN
faqs@cnkonline.com
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