Working Trendz: Cross-gender communication The fine art of flirting!

THAT'S an ``interesting'' outfit Ms R, frankly you look. ......breathtakingly beautiful in it!" and I, a middle aged mother of two go red in my face with pleasure at this compliment from my dapper and incorrigibly flirtatious boss. My response - a coy laugh and an equally innocuous remark .I am flirting with the vice president of my company!

When Sindhu Mehta goes to office nowadays, she makes an extra effort to look elegant and smart if not pretty. Sindhu is in her mid- thirties and single. A most undesirable state of existence as far as her parents are concerned. Sindhu has no complaints. She has just started savouring the environment at her new work place and one of her achievements - learning to flirt! ``After spending years listening to men either run down women, or talk slightingly of them, it is refreshing to see them in a different light. I love it when my boss tells me how good I am looking or even occasionally flirts with me!'' she admits unabashedly.

With respect to the, strait-laced, the workplace culture is rapidly changing. Where it was taboo to socialise with colleagues of the opposite gender outside office hours, it has now become acceptable to ``hang out'' at popular haunts. Friendly banter and harmless flirting appear to improve, enliven and enhance team spirit.

Now when Sindhu bumps into a colleague at the coffee machine, she extends the encounter. News is shared, jokes are made and smiles exchanged. Where earlier there was wariness and hesitation, now there is camaraderie and transparency. This newfound acceptance of the Art of Flirting has helped many young men and women to appreciate the insights and opportunities such exchanges provide. It is definitely not about getting yourself noticed, rather its more about making the other person feel appreciated. My superior for example goes out of his way to be extra charming. He compliments extravagantly, makes the team feel great about themselves and as a bonus gets all his work done much in advance!

Flirting has been described variously as ``making playful romantic or sexual overtures'', a two-way thing, an intuitive happening.... Indeed, when flirting is mentioned in 'decent' company, it elicits varied reactions. From knowing smiles to lowered brows. Reason: the dividing line between harmless flirting and sexual harassment is rather thin. An open smile and verbal appreciation could be termed healthy but any physical contact is going too far. Flirting takes place with mutual consent while sexual harassment is unwarranted and nerve-racking Flirting is the lighter side of human behaviour that can bring humour and fun into cross-gender communications at workplaces.

S. Ramanujacharya of ``Knowledge Matters'', Kent, U.K. says, ``Culturally India is showing a shift to western standards of corporate behaviour. Innuendoes, risqui remarks and proximity dynamics have become quite acceptable in the Indian workplace. It leads to better communication, easy familiarity and workplace. Subordinates have no inhibitions about approaching their bosses about personal problems. It clears the air and promotes smooth workflow.''

The HR departments have drawn the parameters of fun and responsibility. Flirting in the new millennium can still be fun and legally safe. This activity is one of the most important aspects of body language we have. It is seen as a good way of connecting or bonding, be it work or at social events, it is a way of getting noticed. A fleeting glance, an appreciative compliment, and a hand resting gently on someone's arm or head, all innocent, politically correct and in a day's work. Great pep- boosters too in stressful working environment.

The workplace today offers a great opportunity for people to break old patterns of relationships and create new ones. Jill Spiegel, founder of Minneapolis-based Goal Getters and author of Flirting for success cites nine ``Flirting Fundamentals'' to help build rapport and easy friendliness in the workplace.

Making eyes

If you want to make a person feel wanted and show an interest, then eye contact it is. Besides the self-esteem it gives, it also makes for better listening.

Hear ye all

Being a good listener lends to the person you are talking to, a degree of respect.

Tell me why

Asking questions is one sure way of making people feel that they are appreciated-asking questions about themselves, their hobbies and opinions. This kind of caring shown at the working place makes one feel wanted and an indispensable part of the organisation.

Exuding confidence

People nearly always form opinions based on non-verbal communication-the way we dress, the way we interact with others, our facial expressions and deportment. Exuding confidence is an excellent way to make the right impression.

Every man in his humour

Good flirts laugh a lot! At the lighter side of life, at others' humour and most importantly at themselves.

Honesty is a policy

Speaking the truth and keeping your word are as important as letting show a glimpse of your vulnerable side. ``Being human'' is an asset sometimes.

Like 'em

Flirts love people. They realise the importance of liking and respecting others. This only goes to hone their people skills Judgemental people often make poor friends.

Think positive

Positive attitudes and language can be habit forming, as well as contagious. Spread the attitude around.

Handsome is as handsome does

When you are at peace with yourself, it radiates to others outside. If you feel good about yourself, you look good and that inner quietude makes you an attractive person.

To quote Jill Spiegel again, ``everybody has a great flirt inside them.'' Friendly flirting and banter is a sure icebreaker at the corporate training sessions conducted by her. In fact, Spiegel insists that participants flirt with each other so that by the end of the meeting or training everyone feels comfortable with each other.

Dhanishta Digital a vibrant company that employs nearly 150 people has a preponderance of lady executives. The atmosphere is cordial; relationships are spersed by the piquancy of easy banter and have a very high work throughput. Paritosh Acharya, Vice President of Dhanishta ascribes this to the fact that he walks through his office spending quality time with his developers. Mohini Chakravarthi, project leader concurs: ``It's so much fun when Paritosh drops by, the girls come alive and after a five minute giggle and blush, settle down to serious work!''

Flirting has become easier and more accepted in today's corporate culture. Whereas earlier workplace flirting was confined to phone and face- to-face contact, now employees develop flirtatious relationships online. The threat of sexual harassment notwithstanding, flirting can make for healthy workplace relationships and build up communication skills, rapport and respect for the other sex.

PADMA RAMESH

padma.hyd@careercommunity.co.in