Personal Opinion: Taking charge of yourself

Often at times we are assailed by self-doubt, which for most part is sown by others who mean something to us. Wake up and shed those fears! Take charge of your life.

HOW we sleep depends on how we make our bed! An old saying, but full of dyed-in-the-wool truths. All that you know about relationships were derived from early memories and observations as a tot. With the result that your bed, despite your having made it, will be full of the opinions, hopes and fears of everybody you have ever come across in addition to their motivations and desires.

As you can imagine, this holds good for every facet of your life. You will be assailed by self-doubt, and these will, for the most part be doubts that have been sown by others who mean something to you. Hey! Wake up! Take charge of your life and shed those fears! I gave up maths when I was in class 8. (We could do that then, and for the last two years, students can do it now.) I never felt the lack of mathematic skills till some officious relative (they are the bane of our lives!) was wonderstruck with my stated lack of knowledge, notwithstanding my obvious success in what I was doing! For a brief moment I went into a decline and my productivity fell, till one day I snapped myself out of this with the thought that I had made a success of myself without maths for thirty-five years and I could continue to do so for the next thirty-five!! These declines are caused by a psychological condition called premature cognitive commitments and these tend to interfere with our career decisions all the time.

In case you think you are master of your own thoughts and motivations, think again! Apply these questions to yourself and be honest about it.

1. Which career did your parents tell you would be good at?

2. How capable are you at dealing with jobs that are not `traditionally' male (if you are a man) or not traditionally female if you are a woman?

3. How comfortable were you with such non-traditional jobs?

4. How often do you ask for negative and constructive feedback on your performance, so you can keep on improving?

5. How did your parents let you know that you needed to improve upon something? How did that make you feel?

6. In your family, how did people let each other know they were displeased? How do you let people at work know what you expect of them and when their performance is problematic?

7. How much education do the women in your family have?

8. What's the highest post/position or honour that you can remember your parents or other family members telling you to aim for? Have you achieved that goal? Do you think you will? Why or why not?

9. What books did you read as a child and as an adolescent? Are any of those themes playing out in your life now?

10. Who is your personal hero/ine? What steps would s/he probably advise you to take next in your career? Are you ready to follow his/her advice? Why or why not?

Which is it? The answers to the questions above will tell you who has made the decisions in your life up till now. Who has been in charge all this time? If you intend to continue allowing others to make your decisions or will you take the plunge and do it yourself? If you decide on the first, there are lots you can do: firstly, seek a counsellor! Then perhaps join a wimp support group. Pitch for the second choice and get into the driver's seat. You be the pilot of your career, that is the only way you can actualise your potential, and make you claim the position that is yours by right! What you should not do under any circumstances is to say that it does not matter. It does! Your children need someone to look up to. Be somebody's hero/ine today!

A.S.ANGIRASA ACHARYA

angiasaa@hotmail.com