MISCELLENAEOUS
CON-'SULTANS' or Consultants?
The remedy for the managerial unemployed today: become a
consultant!
Success: The Deenadayalan Formula for Managerial Magnificence.
Be net savvy and network savvy
Have a thorough knowledge of Cut and Paste Technology
Cultivate a powerful gift of the gab
Be a G3 guru (Gadgetry, Gimmicks and Gelusil)
Know your broad-spectrum antibiotic
Jungle doctor skills
Develop the S &M technique of a roadside con man.!x Net savvy
and network savvy!
Ability to browse the net x and download the latest management
jargon. Then talk to your network contacts (source all the
'professional' associations - past employers and friends (note
the distinction between the two!) and talk the new talk. Mention
the runaway success of the concept, show how relevant it is to
their organisation. If possible ask some others to labour your
point and testify to your competence.!x CPT the management tool!
from heaven.
You must know how to cut and paste from the original available
in the public domain. Customising this corporate gift is
proportional to your eventual success.!x Power gabbing
Your ability to talk the hind leg off a donkey should be finely
honed.
You should be able to infuse humour into everything, including
death, disease and disharmony.
If you can't develop this under any circumstances, learn to make
a large amount of noise so that everyone stays awake for most of
your presentations. Remember, if you make enough noise everybody
will think you are an authority.!x G3 Gurudom
Be a whiz with powerpoint, digital video and the cordless
mouse. Make sure you feature the faces of the decision makers in
your presentations and quote them as the most competent in their
fields, credit them with clever sayings that they will never deny
ever having said. But they know and you know! Know enough to keep
a large stock of Gelusil or several such antacids to counter your
guilty gastrics!!x Know your broad-spectrum! antibiotic
We all know that antibiotics are misused. Antibiotics are
harmful by nature with all side effects. In consultancy too, we
need to administer these and instant painkillers. Administer the
drug whether it cures or not x some of the broad spectrum
antibiotics used generally without a prescription are:
Any combinations of those above can be laced with the downloaded
jargon and administered as an antibiotic, vitamin and analgesic!
As the practitioner, you need to waltz away with your fee. NB:
Payment linked to deliverables are NOT recommended!!x Referrals
from the jungle.
You need know only a smattering about the treatment but arm
yourself with success stories of where your intervention has
worked wonders before. Nothing succeeds like success and if they
know that their main competition has succeeded with your
nostrums, then they will benefit from them too! Make it a point
to complain about the 'Big 5'. Mention that they merely make
reports, you make it happen! This will be most popular with
middle-level decision makers; they have a natural bias against
their own 'Big 5'!!x Roadside S&M skills
Checkout the bus stops, learn the method acting of the roadside
remedy sellers. They succeed by sheer volume, bombast and
trickery. Learn some games and force-fit any organisational
situation and indicate an operational inefficiency! !x But
seriously:
It is a dismal reflection that consultants and the consulted are
not always serious about the diagnostics or the curative aspects
of any consultative intervention. A focus must be made to linking
performance to the deliverables. In that way, all interventions
will be far more successful especially if there is pressure on
both, the consultant and the HR manager to conduct follow-up
exercises to reinforce the learning.!x Doing the right thing
before seeking consultating!intervention
Seek proof of deliverables
Check with former clients and the former track record with
prior employers
Link payments to deliverables x pay a portion for the
immediate knowledge x but reserve the substantial balance after
ascertaining the quality of stated deliverables
Review progress regularly
Link profit-sharing if organisational policy permits
If a good job is done - tell the world but warn your network if
the intervention has been a great con! !
S. RAMANUJACHARYA
in consultation with
S. DEENADAYALAN
an eminent three-year-old consultant
BPR
TQM/TPM/RCM
TCM
360- degree feedback
PMS/KRA/KPA
ERP
HRIS
Process labs
Climate surveys
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