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Making a child your own
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Indian couples looking to adopt a child want many conditions fulfilled
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On the slightest pretext, Indian adoption agencies go all out to say that Indian parents are biased and discriminatory
Male, below two-years, healthy, fair.” An adoptive parent is filling out a form at an adoption agency and these are the preferences she lists. In a society where adoption is considered a charitable gesture done by parents who adopt “as the last resort”, such parents are also deemed to be biased when it comes to selecting a child that is not biologically theirs.
There is a common perception that Indian parents all want fair babies. Social workers/agencies are supposed to counsel adoptive parents on their final decision. Radha Nagesh, who counsels parents asks them, “If you had a biological child, what it would look like?”
Fifteen-year-old Pushpa, thirteen-year-old Joseph and nine-year-old Subhalakshmi had to wait for two years before they were adopted by American families. Founder-member of an adoption home, Shanthi Chacko feels that foreign countries are more open to adopting older children.
When it comes to caste, Aloma Lobo feel that though “couples who came forward to adopt in the last 20 years might have been caste-conscious; nowadays they are more open-minded and accepting”. Although Aloma believes that Indian couples do not even go to the extent of asking for the child’s date of birth or religion, Shanthi confirmed that she has had experiences of couples who are particular and often reject the child on the basis of colour.
Radha, Shanthi and Aloma feel that it is the emotional, infrastructural and financial support-systems that is given to inter-country adoptive parents that makes the difference.
But social activist Gita Ramaswamy who co-authored the study “On their own – A socio-legal investigation of inter-country adoption in India” with Anita Dhanda feels quite the contrary.
The study found that adoption agencies do not provide the necessary counselling and education when parents list out their preferences. They feel that on the slightest pretext, Indian adoption agencies go all out to say that Indian parents are biased and discriminatory. In terms of physical defects, even something as minor as a harelip makes Indian parents selective.
Withstanding society’s pressure on an average Indian couple to adopt the ‘perfect’ child and the unfortunate limitations on the true joys of adoption, one can only agree with Vidya Shankar, also an adoptive parent who affirms, “Adoption is (truly) a state of the mind.”
A.M.
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